I don’t know this man. But I believe him.
After all the research I did for the book and with Mary’s direct experience at Amen, his story is a perfect example of what the women we write about do to the men in their lives.
If you know this man; perhaps you’re a family member, a friend, church goer, co-worker, or even a police officer – he’s struggling with what he has been forced to endure. I am under no doubt that he is the victim and she is the aggressor – regardless of how convincing she might SOUND.
What ever she has to say – invite her to PROVE it. If she accuses others of lying, that's not proof. Even what a judge has decreed may not be proof either.
Our book lists all the ploys such women use to deflect attention away from their own wrong-doing. These women are experts at eliciting sympathy when none is deserved, and use everyone's generosity of spirit to give them the benefit of any doubt.
This is his story. It is VERY long. I don’t believe you could make up the pain that comes through his words. I don't think he wants sympathy - only a right to live a happy life.
She too got pregnant (while we were legally separated), and while she had an "active restraining order". It's comical, she wanted the house, the cars, and everything that I had bought her (including $30,000 worth of my personal tools!). She kept everything, sold it for pennies on the dollar. She ran up over $15,000 in personal credit card debt (just on clothes alone) during our first year of marriage, and after I left her she began telling everyone that I had done it.
Since when do I buy women's clothing at Ann Taylor, and Marshall Fields which is very expensive, on HER credit cards? Ridiculous and absurd, but that's how this woman is. She tries to twist everything around, and manipulate neighbors, friends, family, and even people at church into thinking that I was "abusive" and a "drunk".
After I left (4 months later) she filed a restraining order and changed the locks on the house (so I couldn't even get my stuff). In the restraining order she lied, and filed a police report saying that I had "beaten her" and "pushed her down a flight of stairs". (I was over 2,000 miles away living in Arizona at the time with family). As stupid as it sounds, I was arrested and thrown in jail. I spent 3 1/2 months in jail/prison due to her crazy and absurd allegations. The judge wouldn't even listen to my family or friends.
After it was all over, I got out and have just been hiding from her. I try to avoid her at all cost, and just want her out of my life. She filed a restraining order in the courts, saying that I had hit the baby (the baby is 1 year old now), and I wasn't allowed to go to the child birth, or even see the child.
The baby is 1 year old, and I still have never even seen the child (not once). Yet, in another one of her police reports she wrote that I had "hit the baby". (Just so she could get full custody, and I'm not allowed to even see the child and must stay at least 500 ft away from the child, according to court documents).
It's completely absurd, and all of this was on the advice of her attorney, who told her 3 years ago that she should begin filing "false allegations of abuse" so that she could keep the house, the material belongings, and even the baby.
She even told me this stuff! (prior to doing it!!) She is an emotional roller coaster, and I decided to "get off" that crazy ride before that train crashes. I only wish that someone would have given me a copy of your book PRIOR to me getting married (in late 2004/early 2005). It could have saved me a lot of grief and heartache.
She has called over 250 people in my cell phone (behind my back) to tell them all that "I beat her" (this was while we were "happily" married?) I had no idea she was doing these crazy things
When someone finally approached me from church, and told me about it, she immediately denied it, and called them a liar.
Later, when they showed me their phone records, and as more and more of my friends started calling me (friends I hadn't spoken to for 10+ years, that didn't even know I had gotten married...) they called me and told me that they got a phone call from some strange woman (claiming to be my wife), who just wanted them to know that I beat her, and asked if I had beaten any of them (asking this to my prior ex girlfriends, etc.). All of them called me back stating that I had "married a psycho" and told me everything she said to them. They told her that I had never physically touched or abused any of them.
She got upset, and cursed at them, and hung up on them. It all seems comical, and looking back at it all, I was just completely blindsided by all of this. When I asked her about it, she denied everything (and swore that all my friends were just "crazy"). The past 3 years have been unbelievable
This is a woman that LOVES drama. A "drama queen" if you will, and it's just not my style. I hate drama, and try to avoid it at all cost. I moved as far away as I possibly could (over 2,000 miles away), just to get away from her.
She still called the police, and tried to "reel me back in" (refusing to let me "get away" from her). My lawyer said it's going to be a "bumpy ride" and the next 18 years are going to feel like a "prison sentence". The lying, cheating, conniving, and manipulation has been going full blast for years now, and now that she has the baby she plays the "victim" card every chance she gets. "Oh single mom, no help from my 'drunk and abusive' husband.." She shakes the can, and tries to get money (and support) from my mother, my family, as well as her whole family, as well as neighbors, and the church (and anyone else that will "feel sorry" for her, or believe her ridiculous stories).
She has never held a job for more than 3 months, she changes churches at least once a year (5 churches in 5 years). The woman is a roller coaster, and depending on her "feelings" on that particular day, she either "loves you" or "hates you" but there is no in between.
One day she is begging me to stay, and the next morning she is throwing a candle or lamp at my head and damaging a door. Later after I leave, she calls the police and tells the police that I damaged the door. I don't know how much the police actually believe anymore (and they think she is just psycho because even the police know that I couldn't have damaged the door, and then 2 hours later been arrested in Phoenix Arizona (over 2,000 miles away). The police realize that it's impossible, and that maybe she doesn't have all her marbles.
But regardless, all she has to do is write the statement, and the police (by law) must take the statement, and attempt to prosecute me. I've been dragged through the court system, and it seems to be very "anti-men" in America. If you are a man, you're screwed. Better get a good lawyer, and even then, you will still probably be left stripped of everything, and you will be lucky to keep your underwear. If she can get 50 cents for the socks, she will take those too.
The American courts are in really bad shape right now.
So many feminist movements, and they have turned the court system into "man haters". There is no way I can even get "joint custody" at this point, or even any form of custody. My lawyer said it seems almost impossible to even get "visitation", and I would be very lucky to even get "supervised visitation" at this point. He said that she has written so many false reports, and false allegations, and I simply walked away (instead of fighting back).
I really don't know what to do. My life is a shambles.
The only physical abuse that has ever occured during our marriage is her slapping me (and she even admitted to slapping me, and beating me to the judge!!!) The judge still didn't care, and still awarded her a restraining order, and full custody of the house, and everything that I owned.
She withdrew all the money from the bank accounts, and sucked me dry (the day prior to filing the restraining order). When I asked what happened to the money, she lied, and said there must be a "bank error". Later, I found out that she had filed the taxes almost 3 months prior, and took/kept the $4,900 tax refund (and lied to me for 3 months claiming that she hadn't received any tax documents and that we couldn't file). It was April 14th, the day before tax deadline when I found out (by calling the IRS) that our taxes had already been filed, and that the refund was already sent (and cashed) almost 3 months prior. I was completely shocked.
I asked her where the money went, and she tried telling me the "IRS is lying". When I contacted them, they sent me a copy of the check, and it even shows the account it was deposited into (her personal account). When I confronted her with the evidence she got angry, and kicked me out of the house, and called the police on me (saying that I had "verbally abused" her).
I can't believe how slanted our society is to over "Women's shelters" and "Women's hotlines" (for "abuse"), but where are the "Men's hotlines"?
I don't have anyone to call, and certainly no lawyers are lining up to help me, or help me get out of this situation. Yet, a woman calls an "abuse center" and lawyers are lining up like hungry wolves coaching this woman as to exactly how to take the house, how to get me "evicted" from the house (restraining order and false accusations of abuse are the "quickest way" according to the lawyers), and also the accusations (and documentation) helps in future court matters (child custody, alimony, etc.)
Unbelievable. So what happens to the men? Does my ex-wife tell the judge that I was a kind of loving man, that would give her the world, and that I would shovel the driveway (and all of the neighbor's driveways) with 3 herniated disks in my back, and not even think twice about it.
Of course not, that doesn't go along with the "picture that she paints". She claims that I don't support her (at this point I have nothing to support her with, she took the house, the cars, and every single penny I have ever had). Froze all my bank accounts. How can I support her? I got a job in Arizona, I used my first two paychecks to send her over $3,600 worth of OshKosh clothes, diapers, and baby wipes/lotion for the baby (just so the baby was well taken care of). She picked up the phone, and called the police. Had me arrested and thrown in jail.
For sending clothes? She wouldn't even let the baby wear the clothes (they were all brand new), and sold them for pennies on the dollar, just so she could tell the neighbors that I don't help her, or support her or the baby.
Completely absurd. No conscience, no heart, and I hate to say it but just an evil and vindictive woman with such a self-centered heart. She only cares about one person in this world, herself. I open doors for complete strangers, and all she does is look to prey on them.
She is a "sub-prime lender/loan officer". She calls people up and attempts to manipulate them, and suck them dry (even put them in a 12% loan, at variable interest rate, knowing that within a year they will end up bankrupt and foreclosed on). Just so she can make a few bucks screwing these people over.
Then on Sunday she goes to church, and pretends like she is "one of them".
Another woman from church was living with her (as a roommate) after I had moved out, and she told everyone at church that she is evil, and she even called me on the phone and told me everything that she has done to me (and is doing to me) and told me that she is even willing to testify against her in court.
This is a woman I don't even know, but who is now willing to help me. She even admitted to this girl that she lied to police, and admited to her that she was just trying to get the house, and material things, and just "wanted a paycheck" for the rest of her life.
Honestly, had I read the preface of your book 10 years ago, I would have laughed, and really wouldn't have even believed it. But I can speak first hand, then when you finally do meet one of these women, they will put you through an "emotional meat grinder".
Even her parents have told me of stories that she told them (of "alleged abuse"). Stories of me beating her, sticking her head in a toilet, and afterwards locking her in a closet.
What? Everyone that knows me, had a difficult time believing these things, but she has told the stories for years, and when the cops show up at the house they usually come "4 strong" (at least 4 police cars). When they show up, no bruises, no marks, nothing. The police ask how she could have fallen down a flight of stairs, and not have a single bump or bruise? Not a single black mark, nothing. Even if she were slapped, there would be some form of "red mark" or something. They examined the baby, and absolutely nothing either.
The police scratch their head, and think it's "very odd" and strange, but they write the police report anyways, and she goes before a judge and testifies that these things actually happened (and they are written in her sworn statements and sworn testimony before the courts).
I even told the judge, "Don't you think that she would have a bruise? At least one bruise?" For real, in 3 years, you don't think that maybe she would have a black eye, or a broken nose, or even a single red mark, or bruise? Just one?
The judge doesn't care, and her sworn testimony is "good enough" evidence before the court, and I'm found guilty, and the hearing is over. I get escorted out of the court room (and told to stay away from her, the baby, and the house). Unbelievable. I was over 2,000 miles away when you arrested me, and you bring me all the way back here, just for this?
I can understand the "resistance from media" simply because the media only wants to paint one picture (of "murdering men" that "beat, rape and victimize women".) Watch "Oxygen" or "Lifetime". The "man-hater" tv stations (that women watch). Every single movie, or show on "Lifetime" portrays men as "abusers, child molesters, killers, sexual predators". This is how the media portrays men. As "stupid", and even watch "Everybody Loves Raymond". It's a funny show, but it just shows how the media portrays "Men as stupid" and "Women as smart".
Every comedy show out there, just makes fun of men. If the shoe were on the other foot (and they were making fun of women) then this would be considered "sexist".
The feminists would rally on Capital Hill, and rally against the TV stations, and ask that the shows be cancelled or removed.
The liberal "Left wing" of our country is nothing but "modern women" (sex-in-the-city) types that don't want to hear anything about how they treat (use, and consume) men.
They are a minority of women, but there are women like this out there. Trust me, I'm living proof and I can attest to this, and I could give you hundreds and hundreds of pages of things that I went through just in my own personal saga when dealing with a woman like this.
I'm not a "woman hater", and I really did care for her and love her with all my heart. It breaks my heart, and crushes me to think about how she could even do all this (and be so heartless and cruel).
She has that "don't take it personally, it's only business" type of attitude. The "Dog eat dog" mentality, and "win at all cost".
My lawyer begs me to just "fight back", but I just don't have the heart to fight back. I'd never hit a woman, and trying to "fight a woman" is something I would rather not do, and sometimes it's easier to just walk away. I know she got what she wanted, and she sucked me dry.
Most of my co-workers didn't believe any of it (till she has the police show up at my work and arrest me). It's embarassing, and then people begin to believe "Wow, it must be true... "
Now the boss has had enough of the "drama", and doesn't want the headaches or stress, and the only way to get her to stop calling is for him to let me go. He told me to "get my personal life straight" and then I can go back to work for him. How can I get my personal life straight? She doesn't stop. I'm 2,000 miles away in a different state, and she is calling my employer? Calling all my family, calling all my friends. Doing anything she can to "poison" any type of friendship I may have with anyone.
She likes to "plant that seed of doubt" in everyone's mind, so later she can water it, and watch it grow and flourish. It's like spreading weeds, that will eventually choke out all the grass, and kill off everything that is good.
The divorce is going to be terrible, and something that I'm really not looking forward to. I'd rather cut off my right arm, then go to court against this woman. This is going to be nothing but painful
When you start to see these "signs" then you know they are red flags, and to run. Not walk, but RUN!
My dad told me that the "red flags" were hitting me in the face! Everyone saw it, but me!
My dad even warned me, but he said that against his (and some of my family's) advice... I willingly just walked right into the meat grinder. Like a sheep waiting to be slaughtered.
Love will make you do some stupid things, and looking back at it, the signs were all there.
I didn't listen. I felt sorry for her. I cared for her. I loved her, and wanted to help her. Boy did she chew me up and spit me out. I'm still scratching my head and can't even believe all of this.
I had begged her for a divorce after only being married for 6 months. I was on my hands and knees with paperwork (asking for an "uncontested divorce") and asking her to just let me go.
She refused. For 2 additional years she refused. (She needed to start the "abuse allegations" first... so that way she could get the house, the cars, and everything I have ever worked for and owned). Even though much of the stuff I had owned prior to even knowing her, but once she files "allegations of abuse" the courts just give her everything (no questions asked).
She is a "victim" in the court's eyes. My lawyer said that it's not over, and he said that the divorce could take another year (depending on how long she drags all of this out). My lawyer can see it, and my lawyer said that I am clearly the victim here (not her), but the courts (and judges) are just so blind to it all.
The courts could never rule in a man's favor (the women advocacy groups would be rioting in the streets, and it would be on every news channel). My sister feels for me, and she warned me (I just didn't listen at the time). I was blind, and now I'm going to "pay the price" for my stupidity.
I ignored all the rumors at church (people from church warning me what she did to her previous boyfriend). They even said that they were shocked that we were dating, because she was still dating her other boyfriend. Later, I talked to him about it, and he didn't even know who I was, and couldn't believe that we were both dating the same girl. He dumped her, and walked away.
Like a fool, I still dated her. She swore that "he was lying" and "just trying to break us up".
The guy said "Run!" I didn't listen.
Amazing how I can be friends with all of my ex's (including the very first girl I dated/had sex with in high school). We're still friends. She on the other hand, doesn't have a single "ex" that will speak to her, or even wants to acknowledge her existence. Most have left the state, changed their phone number, and even left the various churches (some have even changed their religion) just to get away from her.
She says it's always "their fault" (but never hers). Her parents (especially her father) is so blind-sided by all of this. He doesn't know what to believe. He was so upset at me (because of everything she had told him, claiming that I had beaten her, and hit her). Her dad knows that I was in Arizona when she filed those allegations against me. People are beginning to realized that "if HE were the bad one, why hasn't he fought back?" If HE were the "crazy" one, then why hasn't he been banging on HER door? Why isn't HE the one that shows up at HER work?
I don't call her, talk to her, and have never even gone near her. I left the church, and moved to a different state (just to get away from her and all her chaos). She used this as an opportunity to spread even more lies, and paint a very ugly picture of me.
This woman doesn't "fight fair", and she will kick straight for the nuts. She will do whatever it takes to "win". In her sick mind there must be a "winner" and a "loser". She can't just shake hands, and part ways. She wants it all. Every last penny.
I let her have everything, and even that is not enough.
She was upset that I found a new job in Arizona, palm trees, and got myself a small new place.
That turned her upside down, she wouldn't believe that I was so "happy" without her in my life. So she calls the police in Arizona, has me arrested (at my work), thrown in jail, and extradited all the way back to Illinois (for a court hearing). I'm in shackles, and look like hell (after sitting in jail for 3 1/2 months), and I finally appear before a judge (to answer the charges against me), and the judge just looks at her as a "helpless victim", swings his hammer, and finds me "guilty" on all counts.
At least I was set free at this point, and was able to get on the next flight out. I headed to Atlanta, Georgia, and spent the next 4 months hiding in Atlanta. I was enrolled in school full time, and was staying at a hotel, and had plenty of "witnesses" to ensure that it would be IMPOSSIBLE for her to do such a thing to me again.
I'm slowly trying to piece my life back together, but with the convictions it looks like my security clearance is gone, and without it... I will have a very difficult time trying to find work in my career field. It seems that my career is over. It may take at least 10-12 years (if ever) for me to try and "overturn" the damage that she has done to me. I don't think I will ever be eligible for another security clearance, and even so it would take years and years, and years (and lots of paperwork, witnesses and proof) to try and overturn what she has done to me.
Look at me now. I'm a "worthless bum" as she likes to call me. With all the allegations (and convictions) it makes it almost impossible to find work. I can't even get a job at McDonald's flipping burgers.
My mom cries after what she sees what this woman has done to me. I went from having a good $120,000/yr paying job... to someone that is sleeping in my mom's basement, with no money, and no future.
Most people dismiss all this as "folklore" or "fairy tales", but I can assure you as a "victim" of a malicious woman, that this stuff really does happen, and these women are real.
My brother had gotten involved with one (and she seemed identical to my wife/ex-wife), and I warned him about it. I saw all the signs, and I begged him to listen to me (and not to marry her). I told him that he would end up living the same life I did, and to PLEASE not make the same mistake that I did.
Luckily he listened, and although he didn't break up with her, he continued to date her, and after 2 more years he opened his eyes. He came to me and thanked me for my advice. Had he married her, (or had she got pregnant) then his life would be completely different right now.
My brother has found a "good girl" and is doing well now. He "purged" the evil witch from his life, and he is back on track, his career is doing well, and he is with a woman that truely loves him.
His current girlfriend walked into her work, grabbed her by the hair, and told her that she will get an "ass whipping" that she will NEVER forget if she doesn't stop her evil and vindictive bullshit.
Then she walked out. The whole office started clapping, and the girl got embarassed and quit her job shortly thereafter.
She could have had all the money, honestly I could care less. It's only money, and it comes and goes. All I wanted was a good woman, with a good heart. A loving women with a gentle heart, that could love me for who I am (not what I have, or what I could possibly earn).
I'm in pretty bad shape right now (financially), and have over $32,000 in student loans right now.
It's an uphill battle, and I believe she is done "chewing" on me. It's been 4 months, and has been "quiet" so I think she has finally given up on me. I'm just hoping that she quickly finds herself another "chew toy" to play with, and just leaves me be.
Our country is in very bad shape right now. We have let this problem grow, and spiral out of control. Our "divorce rates" have gone through the roof, and even more recently people just choose to live together (and NOT get married), and just co-habit and have sex (but not get married)
This is a REAL and growing problem (not only in America).
I know many people in the church have taken her side (simply because of many of the absurd stories that she tells), but in recent months she had a "falling out" with one of her roommates, and got caught sleeping with another man. Her roommate goes to the same church that she does (the same church that I used to go to prior to moving to Arizona), and her roommate has spoken with all the elders of the church, and all the pastors, and all the counsellors, and she has confirmed many of the same things that I have said (and told them). Suddenly they are confused, and are beginning to realize that maybe she did bamboozle everyone.
After they get the money, the house, the cars, and all the material objects, then they try to eliminate (or kill off) the man. Try to remove him from the picture (he is no longer needed), and she can "make more money" by marrying someone else (and getting herself ANOTHER paycheck). Once she sucks the blood out of the first one, he is useless to her. So she begins to look for another (and another, and another...)
Leaving a wake of men in her path. I'm not saying that men don't use women, but there are thousands and thousands of books out there describing how "awful" men are.
Here in America, women are "rewarded" for getting divorced. They can get more out of you by getting divorced (even if you are broke and jobless, and don't even have a roof over your head the courts will still institute excessive "child support" payments, and if you can't pay, they will toss you in jail). It seems criminal, but these women have a "standard of living" that they are accustomed to, and the courts see the man as just a paycheck or a "means" to sustain her standard of living.
She can jump from man to man, and her "riches" multiply. As she gets remarried, she now has "dual income" (her former spouse as well as her current spouse). After a few years, that marriage will probably fail, and then on to the next. It seems to be a "money making business" for them.
I have a 12 month old son, who I have never seen. She has refused to even let me go to the child birth (threatening to have me arrested and thrown in jail), and has petitioned the court to not even allow me to see my son. She has fought/refused to even let my name be put on the birth certificate. It's been 12 months now, and it's been pretty rough to say the least.
I can't believe the judge can't see through all of this. The false allegations have really hurt my life.She even told the judge (under oath) that she slaps and hits me. The judge didn't even care. He found me guilty and gave her everything. It just amazes me, that this is the "shape" our country (and society) is in.
Neither the media or the legal system cares about men like this. This is why we wrote our book.
