Got a call from a BBC producer asking if I'd be prepared to comment on Harriet Harman's proposals to change the law to allow women to kill men in cold blood - my words not his - and its something of a condensation of the issues.
I said I would need to know more. He sent links with background to the story. I read them with interest and mounting horror. This was yet another attempt at male-bashing. Suffice to say I called him back and agreed to go on the air.
The other guest was the head of a woman's charity. She stated on air that she welcomed the proposals. We were on the air for about half an hour. She used up quite a bit of time repeating ad-nauseum the usual unfounded data that most/the majority of domestic abuse is perpetrated on women by men. This is untrue and I said so. You can listen to the interview by clicking here http://www.venusthedarkside.com/RoySheppardBBCUlster29-07-08.htm
Also appeared that week on the Liz Green Show on BBC Radio Leeds - I think it was either the fourth or fifth time I have been invited to comment on these types of issue.
Saturday's Daily Telegraph ran a small piece on why girls should be taught feminism at school. No suggestions were put forward to educate boys along similar lines.
I mention this because I also received an email from a friend who pointed out a news story on the BBC website about how the police are being 'over-stretched' because of a sharp increase in violence by young women. A female academic tried to downplay the story by saying that the incidence of violence by women was so rare, this was the only reason it had become 'newsworthy'. Yet, according to the Youth Justice Board there were ONLY (!!) 59,000 cases of violent women in 2006.
In the next few years, these women will be looking for husbands.
Sunday, 10 August 2008
Thursday, 1 May 2008
Your friends care about you.
I have just received this plea from a young girl who has asked us to help her (and her friend) who she cares about.
I am seventeen years old almost eighteen.
I have an amazing friend whose a guy.
His girlfriend is always cheating on him and still he goes back out with her. She yells at him and tells him not to talk to any girls. She is always suspecting he is cheating on her. The last time they broke up was because she cheated on him.
This is how it went; he went over to her house to pick her up to go to the races together. When he got there there was another car with a guy in it.
He went to her door and she kept giving him excuses of why she couldn't go. Finally she just flat out said I am going out tonight with some friends and jumped in the guy's car and left.
The next morning she called him from the guy's phone and was really nice until the guy came into the room. Then she started yelling at my friend .... Then he called her back and the guy answered and he told him that he was her boyfriend.
But she just yelled and was dumb. Now they are talking again and I am so afraid for him. All she keeps doing is hurting him and she uses him for his money and because he can drive. She has cheated on him at least eight times of the times we know of.
Her sisters even tell him to break up with her. He caught me crying and so I approached my teacher for help and now I am asking you for help please help me.. I really care for him and don't want him to get hurt anymore!!!
I am seventeen years old almost eighteen.
I have an amazing friend whose a guy.
His girlfriend is always cheating on him and still he goes back out with her. She yells at him and tells him not to talk to any girls. She is always suspecting he is cheating on her. The last time they broke up was because she cheated on him.
This is how it went; he went over to her house to pick her up to go to the races together. When he got there there was another car with a guy in it.
He went to her door and she kept giving him excuses of why she couldn't go. Finally she just flat out said I am going out tonight with some friends and jumped in the guy's car and left.
The next morning she called him from the guy's phone and was really nice until the guy came into the room. Then she started yelling at my friend .... Then he called her back and the guy answered and he told him that he was her boyfriend.
But she just yelled and was dumb. Now they are talking again and I am so afraid for him. All she keeps doing is hurting him and she uses him for his money and because he can drive. She has cheated on him at least eight times of the times we know of.
Her sisters even tell him to break up with her. He caught me crying and so I approached my teacher for help and now I am asking you for help please help me.. I really care for him and don't want him to get hurt anymore!!!
If you are this guy - please get out of the relationship. She will almost certainly end up hurting you even more.
I believe this man's story
I don’t know this man. But I believe him.
After all the research I did for the book and with Mary’s direct experience at Amen, his story is a perfect example of what the women we write about do to the men in their lives.
If you know this man; perhaps you’re a family member, a friend, church goer, co-worker, or even a police officer – he’s struggling with what he has been forced to endure. I am under no doubt that he is the victim and she is the aggressor – regardless of how convincing she might SOUND.
What ever she has to say – invite her to PROVE it. If she accuses others of lying, that's not proof. Even what a judge has decreed may not be proof either.
Our book lists all the ploys such women use to deflect attention away from their own wrong-doing. These women are experts at eliciting sympathy when none is deserved, and use everyone's generosity of spirit to give them the benefit of any doubt.
This is his story. It is VERY long. I don’t believe you could make up the pain that comes through his words. I don't think he wants sympathy - only a right to live a happy life.
She too got pregnant (while we were legally separated), and while she had an "active restraining order". It's comical, she wanted the house, the cars, and everything that I had bought her (including $30,000 worth of my personal tools!). She kept everything, sold it for pennies on the dollar. She ran up over $15,000 in personal credit card debt (just on clothes alone) during our first year of marriage, and after I left her she began telling everyone that I had done it.
Since when do I buy women's clothing at Ann Taylor, and Marshall Fields which is very expensive, on HER credit cards? Ridiculous and absurd, but that's how this woman is. She tries to twist everything around, and manipulate neighbors, friends, family, and even people at church into thinking that I was "abusive" and a "drunk".
After I left (4 months later) she filed a restraining order and changed the locks on the house (so I couldn't even get my stuff). In the restraining order she lied, and filed a police report saying that I had "beaten her" and "pushed her down a flight of stairs". (I was over 2,000 miles away living in Arizona at the time with family). As stupid as it sounds, I was arrested and thrown in jail. I spent 3 1/2 months in jail/prison due to her crazy and absurd allegations. The judge wouldn't even listen to my family or friends.
After it was all over, I got out and have just been hiding from her. I try to avoid her at all cost, and just want her out of my life. She filed a restraining order in the courts, saying that I had hit the baby (the baby is 1 year old now), and I wasn't allowed to go to the child birth, or even see the child.
The baby is 1 year old, and I still have never even seen the child (not once). Yet, in another one of her police reports she wrote that I had "hit the baby". (Just so she could get full custody, and I'm not allowed to even see the child and must stay at least 500 ft away from the child, according to court documents).
It's completely absurd, and all of this was on the advice of her attorney, who told her 3 years ago that she should begin filing "false allegations of abuse" so that she could keep the house, the material belongings, and even the baby.
She even told me this stuff! (prior to doing it!!) She is an emotional roller coaster, and I decided to "get off" that crazy ride before that train crashes. I only wish that someone would have given me a copy of your book PRIOR to me getting married (in late 2004/early 2005). It could have saved me a lot of grief and heartache.
She has called over 250 people in my cell phone (behind my back) to tell them all that "I beat her" (this was while we were "happily" married?) I had no idea she was doing these crazy things
When someone finally approached me from church, and told me about it, she immediately denied it, and called them a liar.
Later, when they showed me their phone records, and as more and more of my friends started calling me (friends I hadn't spoken to for 10+ years, that didn't even know I had gotten married...) they called me and told me that they got a phone call from some strange woman (claiming to be my wife), who just wanted them to know that I beat her, and asked if I had beaten any of them (asking this to my prior ex girlfriends, etc.). All of them called me back stating that I had "married a psycho" and told me everything she said to them. They told her that I had never physically touched or abused any of them.
She got upset, and cursed at them, and hung up on them. It all seems comical, and looking back at it all, I was just completely blindsided by all of this. When I asked her about it, she denied everything (and swore that all my friends were just "crazy"). The past 3 years have been unbelievable
This is a woman that LOVES drama. A "drama queen" if you will, and it's just not my style. I hate drama, and try to avoid it at all cost. I moved as far away as I possibly could (over 2,000 miles away), just to get away from her.
She still called the police, and tried to "reel me back in" (refusing to let me "get away" from her). My lawyer said it's going to be a "bumpy ride" and the next 18 years are going to feel like a "prison sentence". The lying, cheating, conniving, and manipulation has been going full blast for years now, and now that she has the baby she plays the "victim" card every chance she gets. "Oh single mom, no help from my 'drunk and abusive' husband.." She shakes the can, and tries to get money (and support) from my mother, my family, as well as her whole family, as well as neighbors, and the church (and anyone else that will "feel sorry" for her, or believe her ridiculous stories).
She has never held a job for more than 3 months, she changes churches at least once a year (5 churches in 5 years). The woman is a roller coaster, and depending on her "feelings" on that particular day, she either "loves you" or "hates you" but there is no in between.
One day she is begging me to stay, and the next morning she is throwing a candle or lamp at my head and damaging a door. Later after I leave, she calls the police and tells the police that I damaged the door. I don't know how much the police actually believe anymore (and they think she is just psycho because even the police know that I couldn't have damaged the door, and then 2 hours later been arrested in Phoenix Arizona (over 2,000 miles away). The police realize that it's impossible, and that maybe she doesn't have all her marbles.
But regardless, all she has to do is write the statement, and the police (by law) must take the statement, and attempt to prosecute me. I've been dragged through the court system, and it seems to be very "anti-men" in America. If you are a man, you're screwed. Better get a good lawyer, and even then, you will still probably be left stripped of everything, and you will be lucky to keep your underwear. If she can get 50 cents for the socks, she will take those too.
The American courts are in really bad shape right now.
So many feminist movements, and they have turned the court system into "man haters". There is no way I can even get "joint custody" at this point, or even any form of custody. My lawyer said it seems almost impossible to even get "visitation", and I would be very lucky to even get "supervised visitation" at this point. He said that she has written so many false reports, and false allegations, and I simply walked away (instead of fighting back).
I really don't know what to do. My life is a shambles.
The only physical abuse that has ever occured during our marriage is her slapping me (and she even admitted to slapping me, and beating me to the judge!!!) The judge still didn't care, and still awarded her a restraining order, and full custody of the house, and everything that I owned.
She withdrew all the money from the bank accounts, and sucked me dry (the day prior to filing the restraining order). When I asked what happened to the money, she lied, and said there must be a "bank error". Later, I found out that she had filed the taxes almost 3 months prior, and took/kept the $4,900 tax refund (and lied to me for 3 months claiming that she hadn't received any tax documents and that we couldn't file). It was April 14th, the day before tax deadline when I found out (by calling the IRS) that our taxes had already been filed, and that the refund was already sent (and cashed) almost 3 months prior. I was completely shocked.
I asked her where the money went, and she tried telling me the "IRS is lying". When I contacted them, they sent me a copy of the check, and it even shows the account it was deposited into (her personal account). When I confronted her with the evidence she got angry, and kicked me out of the house, and called the police on me (saying that I had "verbally abused" her).
I can't believe how slanted our society is to over "Women's shelters" and "Women's hotlines" (for "abuse"), but where are the "Men's hotlines"?
I don't have anyone to call, and certainly no lawyers are lining up to help me, or help me get out of this situation. Yet, a woman calls an "abuse center" and lawyers are lining up like hungry wolves coaching this woman as to exactly how to take the house, how to get me "evicted" from the house (restraining order and false accusations of abuse are the "quickest way" according to the lawyers), and also the accusations (and documentation) helps in future court matters (child custody, alimony, etc.)
Unbelievable. So what happens to the men? Does my ex-wife tell the judge that I was a kind of loving man, that would give her the world, and that I would shovel the driveway (and all of the neighbor's driveways) with 3 herniated disks in my back, and not even think twice about it.
Of course not, that doesn't go along with the "picture that she paints". She claims that I don't support her (at this point I have nothing to support her with, she took the house, the cars, and every single penny I have ever had). Froze all my bank accounts. How can I support her? I got a job in Arizona, I used my first two paychecks to send her over $3,600 worth of OshKosh clothes, diapers, and baby wipes/lotion for the baby (just so the baby was well taken care of). She picked up the phone, and called the police. Had me arrested and thrown in jail.
For sending clothes? She wouldn't even let the baby wear the clothes (they were all brand new), and sold them for pennies on the dollar, just so she could tell the neighbors that I don't help her, or support her or the baby.
Completely absurd. No conscience, no heart, and I hate to say it but just an evil and vindictive woman with such a self-centered heart. She only cares about one person in this world, herself. I open doors for complete strangers, and all she does is look to prey on them.
She is a "sub-prime lender/loan officer". She calls people up and attempts to manipulate them, and suck them dry (even put them in a 12% loan, at variable interest rate, knowing that within a year they will end up bankrupt and foreclosed on). Just so she can make a few bucks screwing these people over.
Then on Sunday she goes to church, and pretends like she is "one of them".
Another woman from church was living with her (as a roommate) after I had moved out, and she told everyone at church that she is evil, and she even called me on the phone and told me everything that she has done to me (and is doing to me) and told me that she is even willing to testify against her in court.
This is a woman I don't even know, but who is now willing to help me. She even admitted to this girl that she lied to police, and admited to her that she was just trying to get the house, and material things, and just "wanted a paycheck" for the rest of her life.
Honestly, had I read the preface of your book 10 years ago, I would have laughed, and really wouldn't have even believed it. But I can speak first hand, then when you finally do meet one of these women, they will put you through an "emotional meat grinder".
Even her parents have told me of stories that she told them (of "alleged abuse"). Stories of me beating her, sticking her head in a toilet, and afterwards locking her in a closet.
What? Everyone that knows me, had a difficult time believing these things, but she has told the stories for years, and when the cops show up at the house they usually come "4 strong" (at least 4 police cars). When they show up, no bruises, no marks, nothing. The police ask how she could have fallen down a flight of stairs, and not have a single bump or bruise? Not a single black mark, nothing. Even if she were slapped, there would be some form of "red mark" or something. They examined the baby, and absolutely nothing either.
The police scratch their head, and think it's "very odd" and strange, but they write the police report anyways, and she goes before a judge and testifies that these things actually happened (and they are written in her sworn statements and sworn testimony before the courts).
I even told the judge, "Don't you think that she would have a bruise? At least one bruise?" For real, in 3 years, you don't think that maybe she would have a black eye, or a broken nose, or even a single red mark, or bruise? Just one?
The judge doesn't care, and her sworn testimony is "good enough" evidence before the court, and I'm found guilty, and the hearing is over. I get escorted out of the court room (and told to stay away from her, the baby, and the house). Unbelievable. I was over 2,000 miles away when you arrested me, and you bring me all the way back here, just for this?
I can understand the "resistance from media" simply because the media only wants to paint one picture (of "murdering men" that "beat, rape and victimize women".) Watch "Oxygen" or "Lifetime". The "man-hater" tv stations (that women watch). Every single movie, or show on "Lifetime" portrays men as "abusers, child molesters, killers, sexual predators". This is how the media portrays men. As "stupid", and even watch "Everybody Loves Raymond". It's a funny show, but it just shows how the media portrays "Men as stupid" and "Women as smart".
Every comedy show out there, just makes fun of men. If the shoe were on the other foot (and they were making fun of women) then this would be considered "sexist".
The feminists would rally on Capital Hill, and rally against the TV stations, and ask that the shows be cancelled or removed.
The liberal "Left wing" of our country is nothing but "modern women" (sex-in-the-city) types that don't want to hear anything about how they treat (use, and consume) men.
They are a minority of women, but there are women like this out there. Trust me, I'm living proof and I can attest to this, and I could give you hundreds and hundreds of pages of things that I went through just in my own personal saga when dealing with a woman like this.
I'm not a "woman hater", and I really did care for her and love her with all my heart. It breaks my heart, and crushes me to think about how she could even do all this (and be so heartless and cruel).
She has that "don't take it personally, it's only business" type of attitude. The "Dog eat dog" mentality, and "win at all cost".
My lawyer begs me to just "fight back", but I just don't have the heart to fight back. I'd never hit a woman, and trying to "fight a woman" is something I would rather not do, and sometimes it's easier to just walk away. I know she got what she wanted, and she sucked me dry.
Most of my co-workers didn't believe any of it (till she has the police show up at my work and arrest me). It's embarassing, and then people begin to believe "Wow, it must be true... "
Now the boss has had enough of the "drama", and doesn't want the headaches or stress, and the only way to get her to stop calling is for him to let me go. He told me to "get my personal life straight" and then I can go back to work for him. How can I get my personal life straight? She doesn't stop. I'm 2,000 miles away in a different state, and she is calling my employer? Calling all my family, calling all my friends. Doing anything she can to "poison" any type of friendship I may have with anyone.
She likes to "plant that seed of doubt" in everyone's mind, so later she can water it, and watch it grow and flourish. It's like spreading weeds, that will eventually choke out all the grass, and kill off everything that is good.
The divorce is going to be terrible, and something that I'm really not looking forward to. I'd rather cut off my right arm, then go to court against this woman. This is going to be nothing but painful
When you start to see these "signs" then you know they are red flags, and to run. Not walk, but RUN!
My dad told me that the "red flags" were hitting me in the face! Everyone saw it, but me!
My dad even warned me, but he said that against his (and some of my family's) advice... I willingly just walked right into the meat grinder. Like a sheep waiting to be slaughtered.
Love will make you do some stupid things, and looking back at it, the signs were all there.
I didn't listen. I felt sorry for her. I cared for her. I loved her, and wanted to help her. Boy did she chew me up and spit me out. I'm still scratching my head and can't even believe all of this.
I had begged her for a divorce after only being married for 6 months. I was on my hands and knees with paperwork (asking for an "uncontested divorce") and asking her to just let me go.
She refused. For 2 additional years she refused. (She needed to start the "abuse allegations" first... so that way she could get the house, the cars, and everything I have ever worked for and owned). Even though much of the stuff I had owned prior to even knowing her, but once she files "allegations of abuse" the courts just give her everything (no questions asked).
She is a "victim" in the court's eyes. My lawyer said that it's not over, and he said that the divorce could take another year (depending on how long she drags all of this out). My lawyer can see it, and my lawyer said that I am clearly the victim here (not her), but the courts (and judges) are just so blind to it all.
The courts could never rule in a man's favor (the women advocacy groups would be rioting in the streets, and it would be on every news channel). My sister feels for me, and she warned me (I just didn't listen at the time). I was blind, and now I'm going to "pay the price" for my stupidity.
I ignored all the rumors at church (people from church warning me what she did to her previous boyfriend). They even said that they were shocked that we were dating, because she was still dating her other boyfriend. Later, I talked to him about it, and he didn't even know who I was, and couldn't believe that we were both dating the same girl. He dumped her, and walked away.
Like a fool, I still dated her. She swore that "he was lying" and "just trying to break us up".
The guy said "Run!" I didn't listen.
Amazing how I can be friends with all of my ex's (including the very first girl I dated/had sex with in high school). We're still friends. She on the other hand, doesn't have a single "ex" that will speak to her, or even wants to acknowledge her existence. Most have left the state, changed their phone number, and even left the various churches (some have even changed their religion) just to get away from her.
She says it's always "their fault" (but never hers). Her parents (especially her father) is so blind-sided by all of this. He doesn't know what to believe. He was so upset at me (because of everything she had told him, claiming that I had beaten her, and hit her). Her dad knows that I was in Arizona when she filed those allegations against me. People are beginning to realized that "if HE were the bad one, why hasn't he fought back?" If HE were the "crazy" one, then why hasn't he been banging on HER door? Why isn't HE the one that shows up at HER work?
I don't call her, talk to her, and have never even gone near her. I left the church, and moved to a different state (just to get away from her and all her chaos). She used this as an opportunity to spread even more lies, and paint a very ugly picture of me.
This woman doesn't "fight fair", and she will kick straight for the nuts. She will do whatever it takes to "win". In her sick mind there must be a "winner" and a "loser". She can't just shake hands, and part ways. She wants it all. Every last penny.
I let her have everything, and even that is not enough.
She was upset that I found a new job in Arizona, palm trees, and got myself a small new place.
That turned her upside down, she wouldn't believe that I was so "happy" without her in my life. So she calls the police in Arizona, has me arrested (at my work), thrown in jail, and extradited all the way back to Illinois (for a court hearing). I'm in shackles, and look like hell (after sitting in jail for 3 1/2 months), and I finally appear before a judge (to answer the charges against me), and the judge just looks at her as a "helpless victim", swings his hammer, and finds me "guilty" on all counts.
At least I was set free at this point, and was able to get on the next flight out. I headed to Atlanta, Georgia, and spent the next 4 months hiding in Atlanta. I was enrolled in school full time, and was staying at a hotel, and had plenty of "witnesses" to ensure that it would be IMPOSSIBLE for her to do such a thing to me again.
I'm slowly trying to piece my life back together, but with the convictions it looks like my security clearance is gone, and without it... I will have a very difficult time trying to find work in my career field. It seems that my career is over. It may take at least 10-12 years (if ever) for me to try and "overturn" the damage that she has done to me. I don't think I will ever be eligible for another security clearance, and even so it would take years and years, and years (and lots of paperwork, witnesses and proof) to try and overturn what she has done to me.
Look at me now. I'm a "worthless bum" as she likes to call me. With all the allegations (and convictions) it makes it almost impossible to find work. I can't even get a job at McDonald's flipping burgers.
My mom cries after what she sees what this woman has done to me. I went from having a good $120,000/yr paying job... to someone that is sleeping in my mom's basement, with no money, and no future.
Most people dismiss all this as "folklore" or "fairy tales", but I can assure you as a "victim" of a malicious woman, that this stuff really does happen, and these women are real.
My brother had gotten involved with one (and she seemed identical to my wife/ex-wife), and I warned him about it. I saw all the signs, and I begged him to listen to me (and not to marry her). I told him that he would end up living the same life I did, and to PLEASE not make the same mistake that I did.
Luckily he listened, and although he didn't break up with her, he continued to date her, and after 2 more years he opened his eyes. He came to me and thanked me for my advice. Had he married her, (or had she got pregnant) then his life would be completely different right now.
My brother has found a "good girl" and is doing well now. He "purged" the evil witch from his life, and he is back on track, his career is doing well, and he is with a woman that truely loves him.
His current girlfriend walked into her work, grabbed her by the hair, and told her that she will get an "ass whipping" that she will NEVER forget if she doesn't stop her evil and vindictive bullshit.
Then she walked out. The whole office started clapping, and the girl got embarassed and quit her job shortly thereafter.
She could have had all the money, honestly I could care less. It's only money, and it comes and goes. All I wanted was a good woman, with a good heart. A loving women with a gentle heart, that could love me for who I am (not what I have, or what I could possibly earn).
I'm in pretty bad shape right now (financially), and have over $32,000 in student loans right now.
It's an uphill battle, and I believe she is done "chewing" on me. It's been 4 months, and has been "quiet" so I think she has finally given up on me. I'm just hoping that she quickly finds herself another "chew toy" to play with, and just leaves me be.
Our country is in very bad shape right now. We have let this problem grow, and spiral out of control. Our "divorce rates" have gone through the roof, and even more recently people just choose to live together (and NOT get married), and just co-habit and have sex (but not get married)
This is a REAL and growing problem (not only in America).
I know many people in the church have taken her side (simply because of many of the absurd stories that she tells), but in recent months she had a "falling out" with one of her roommates, and got caught sleeping with another man. Her roommate goes to the same church that she does (the same church that I used to go to prior to moving to Arizona), and her roommate has spoken with all the elders of the church, and all the pastors, and all the counsellors, and she has confirmed many of the same things that I have said (and told them). Suddenly they are confused, and are beginning to realize that maybe she did bamboozle everyone.
After they get the money, the house, the cars, and all the material objects, then they try to eliminate (or kill off) the man. Try to remove him from the picture (he is no longer needed), and she can "make more money" by marrying someone else (and getting herself ANOTHER paycheck). Once she sucks the blood out of the first one, he is useless to her. So she begins to look for another (and another, and another...)
Leaving a wake of men in her path. I'm not saying that men don't use women, but there are thousands and thousands of books out there describing how "awful" men are.
Here in America, women are "rewarded" for getting divorced. They can get more out of you by getting divorced (even if you are broke and jobless, and don't even have a roof over your head the courts will still institute excessive "child support" payments, and if you can't pay, they will toss you in jail). It seems criminal, but these women have a "standard of living" that they are accustomed to, and the courts see the man as just a paycheck or a "means" to sustain her standard of living.
She can jump from man to man, and her "riches" multiply. As she gets remarried, she now has "dual income" (her former spouse as well as her current spouse). After a few years, that marriage will probably fail, and then on to the next. It seems to be a "money making business" for them.
I have a 12 month old son, who I have never seen. She has refused to even let me go to the child birth (threatening to have me arrested and thrown in jail), and has petitioned the court to not even allow me to see my son. She has fought/refused to even let my name be put on the birth certificate. It's been 12 months now, and it's been pretty rough to say the least.
I can't believe the judge can't see through all of this. The false allegations have really hurt my life.
She even told the judge (under oath) that she slaps and hits me. The judge didn't even care. He found me guilty and gave her everything. It just amazes me, that this is the "shape" our country (and society) is in.
Neither the media or the legal system cares about men like this. This is why we wrote our book.
After all the research I did for the book and with Mary’s direct experience at Amen, his story is a perfect example of what the women we write about do to the men in their lives.
If you know this man; perhaps you’re a family member, a friend, church goer, co-worker, or even a police officer – he’s struggling with what he has been forced to endure. I am under no doubt that he is the victim and she is the aggressor – regardless of how convincing she might SOUND.
What ever she has to say – invite her to PROVE it. If she accuses others of lying, that's not proof. Even what a judge has decreed may not be proof either.
Our book lists all the ploys such women use to deflect attention away from their own wrong-doing. These women are experts at eliciting sympathy when none is deserved, and use everyone's generosity of spirit to give them the benefit of any doubt.
This is his story. It is VERY long. I don’t believe you could make up the pain that comes through his words. I don't think he wants sympathy - only a right to live a happy life.
She too got pregnant (while we were legally separated), and while she had an "active restraining order". It's comical, she wanted the house, the cars, and everything that I had bought her (including $30,000 worth of my personal tools!). She kept everything, sold it for pennies on the dollar. She ran up over $15,000 in personal credit card debt (just on clothes alone) during our first year of marriage, and after I left her she began telling everyone that I had done it.
Since when do I buy women's clothing at Ann Taylor, and Marshall Fields which is very expensive, on HER credit cards? Ridiculous and absurd, but that's how this woman is. She tries to twist everything around, and manipulate neighbors, friends, family, and even people at church into thinking that I was "abusive" and a "drunk".
After I left (4 months later) she filed a restraining order and changed the locks on the house (so I couldn't even get my stuff). In the restraining order she lied, and filed a police report saying that I had "beaten her" and "pushed her down a flight of stairs". (I was over 2,000 miles away living in Arizona at the time with family). As stupid as it sounds, I was arrested and thrown in jail. I spent 3 1/2 months in jail/prison due to her crazy and absurd allegations. The judge wouldn't even listen to my family or friends.
After it was all over, I got out and have just been hiding from her. I try to avoid her at all cost, and just want her out of my life. She filed a restraining order in the courts, saying that I had hit the baby (the baby is 1 year old now), and I wasn't allowed to go to the child birth, or even see the child.
The baby is 1 year old, and I still have never even seen the child (not once). Yet, in another one of her police reports she wrote that I had "hit the baby". (Just so she could get full custody, and I'm not allowed to even see the child and must stay at least 500 ft away from the child, according to court documents).
It's completely absurd, and all of this was on the advice of her attorney, who told her 3 years ago that she should begin filing "false allegations of abuse" so that she could keep the house, the material belongings, and even the baby.
She even told me this stuff! (prior to doing it!!) She is an emotional roller coaster, and I decided to "get off" that crazy ride before that train crashes. I only wish that someone would have given me a copy of your book PRIOR to me getting married (in late 2004/early 2005). It could have saved me a lot of grief and heartache.
She has called over 250 people in my cell phone (behind my back) to tell them all that "I beat her" (this was while we were "happily" married?) I had no idea she was doing these crazy things
When someone finally approached me from church, and told me about it, she immediately denied it, and called them a liar.
Later, when they showed me their phone records, and as more and more of my friends started calling me (friends I hadn't spoken to for 10+ years, that didn't even know I had gotten married...) they called me and told me that they got a phone call from some strange woman (claiming to be my wife), who just wanted them to know that I beat her, and asked if I had beaten any of them (asking this to my prior ex girlfriends, etc.). All of them called me back stating that I had "married a psycho" and told me everything she said to them. They told her that I had never physically touched or abused any of them.
She got upset, and cursed at them, and hung up on them. It all seems comical, and looking back at it all, I was just completely blindsided by all of this. When I asked her about it, she denied everything (and swore that all my friends were just "crazy"). The past 3 years have been unbelievable
This is a woman that LOVES drama. A "drama queen" if you will, and it's just not my style. I hate drama, and try to avoid it at all cost. I moved as far away as I possibly could (over 2,000 miles away), just to get away from her.
She still called the police, and tried to "reel me back in" (refusing to let me "get away" from her). My lawyer said it's going to be a "bumpy ride" and the next 18 years are going to feel like a "prison sentence". The lying, cheating, conniving, and manipulation has been going full blast for years now, and now that she has the baby she plays the "victim" card every chance she gets. "Oh single mom, no help from my 'drunk and abusive' husband.." She shakes the can, and tries to get money (and support) from my mother, my family, as well as her whole family, as well as neighbors, and the church (and anyone else that will "feel sorry" for her, or believe her ridiculous stories).
She has never held a job for more than 3 months, she changes churches at least once a year (5 churches in 5 years). The woman is a roller coaster, and depending on her "feelings" on that particular day, she either "loves you" or "hates you" but there is no in between.
One day she is begging me to stay, and the next morning she is throwing a candle or lamp at my head and damaging a door. Later after I leave, she calls the police and tells the police that I damaged the door. I don't know how much the police actually believe anymore (and they think she is just psycho because even the police know that I couldn't have damaged the door, and then 2 hours later been arrested in Phoenix Arizona (over 2,000 miles away). The police realize that it's impossible, and that maybe she doesn't have all her marbles.
But regardless, all she has to do is write the statement, and the police (by law) must take the statement, and attempt to prosecute me. I've been dragged through the court system, and it seems to be very "anti-men" in America. If you are a man, you're screwed. Better get a good lawyer, and even then, you will still probably be left stripped of everything, and you will be lucky to keep your underwear. If she can get 50 cents for the socks, she will take those too.
The American courts are in really bad shape right now.
So many feminist movements, and they have turned the court system into "man haters". There is no way I can even get "joint custody" at this point, or even any form of custody. My lawyer said it seems almost impossible to even get "visitation", and I would be very lucky to even get "supervised visitation" at this point. He said that she has written so many false reports, and false allegations, and I simply walked away (instead of fighting back).
I really don't know what to do. My life is a shambles.
The only physical abuse that has ever occured during our marriage is her slapping me (and she even admitted to slapping me, and beating me to the judge!!!) The judge still didn't care, and still awarded her a restraining order, and full custody of the house, and everything that I owned.
She withdrew all the money from the bank accounts, and sucked me dry (the day prior to filing the restraining order). When I asked what happened to the money, she lied, and said there must be a "bank error". Later, I found out that she had filed the taxes almost 3 months prior, and took/kept the $4,900 tax refund (and lied to me for 3 months claiming that she hadn't received any tax documents and that we couldn't file). It was April 14th, the day before tax deadline when I found out (by calling the IRS) that our taxes had already been filed, and that the refund was already sent (and cashed) almost 3 months prior. I was completely shocked.
I asked her where the money went, and she tried telling me the "IRS is lying". When I contacted them, they sent me a copy of the check, and it even shows the account it was deposited into (her personal account). When I confronted her with the evidence she got angry, and kicked me out of the house, and called the police on me (saying that I had "verbally abused" her).
I can't believe how slanted our society is to over "Women's shelters" and "Women's hotlines" (for "abuse"), but where are the "Men's hotlines"?
I don't have anyone to call, and certainly no lawyers are lining up to help me, or help me get out of this situation. Yet, a woman calls an "abuse center" and lawyers are lining up like hungry wolves coaching this woman as to exactly how to take the house, how to get me "evicted" from the house (restraining order and false accusations of abuse are the "quickest way" according to the lawyers), and also the accusations (and documentation) helps in future court matters (child custody, alimony, etc.)
Unbelievable. So what happens to the men? Does my ex-wife tell the judge that I was a kind of loving man, that would give her the world, and that I would shovel the driveway (and all of the neighbor's driveways) with 3 herniated disks in my back, and not even think twice about it.
Of course not, that doesn't go along with the "picture that she paints". She claims that I don't support her (at this point I have nothing to support her with, she took the house, the cars, and every single penny I have ever had). Froze all my bank accounts. How can I support her? I got a job in Arizona, I used my first two paychecks to send her over $3,600 worth of OshKosh clothes, diapers, and baby wipes/lotion for the baby (just so the baby was well taken care of). She picked up the phone, and called the police. Had me arrested and thrown in jail.
For sending clothes? She wouldn't even let the baby wear the clothes (they were all brand new), and sold them for pennies on the dollar, just so she could tell the neighbors that I don't help her, or support her or the baby.
Completely absurd. No conscience, no heart, and I hate to say it but just an evil and vindictive woman with such a self-centered heart. She only cares about one person in this world, herself. I open doors for complete strangers, and all she does is look to prey on them.
She is a "sub-prime lender/loan officer". She calls people up and attempts to manipulate them, and suck them dry (even put them in a 12% loan, at variable interest rate, knowing that within a year they will end up bankrupt and foreclosed on). Just so she can make a few bucks screwing these people over.
Then on Sunday she goes to church, and pretends like she is "one of them".
Another woman from church was living with her (as a roommate) after I had moved out, and she told everyone at church that she is evil, and she even called me on the phone and told me everything that she has done to me (and is doing to me) and told me that she is even willing to testify against her in court.
This is a woman I don't even know, but who is now willing to help me. She even admitted to this girl that she lied to police, and admited to her that she was just trying to get the house, and material things, and just "wanted a paycheck" for the rest of her life.
Honestly, had I read the preface of your book 10 years ago, I would have laughed, and really wouldn't have even believed it. But I can speak first hand, then when you finally do meet one of these women, they will put you through an "emotional meat grinder".
Even her parents have told me of stories that she told them (of "alleged abuse"). Stories of me beating her, sticking her head in a toilet, and afterwards locking her in a closet.
What? Everyone that knows me, had a difficult time believing these things, but she has told the stories for years, and when the cops show up at the house they usually come "4 strong" (at least 4 police cars). When they show up, no bruises, no marks, nothing. The police ask how she could have fallen down a flight of stairs, and not have a single bump or bruise? Not a single black mark, nothing. Even if she were slapped, there would be some form of "red mark" or something. They examined the baby, and absolutely nothing either.
The police scratch their head, and think it's "very odd" and strange, but they write the police report anyways, and she goes before a judge and testifies that these things actually happened (and they are written in her sworn statements and sworn testimony before the courts).
I even told the judge, "Don't you think that she would have a bruise? At least one bruise?" For real, in 3 years, you don't think that maybe she would have a black eye, or a broken nose, or even a single red mark, or bruise? Just one?
The judge doesn't care, and her sworn testimony is "good enough" evidence before the court, and I'm found guilty, and the hearing is over. I get escorted out of the court room (and told to stay away from her, the baby, and the house). Unbelievable. I was over 2,000 miles away when you arrested me, and you bring me all the way back here, just for this?
I can understand the "resistance from media" simply because the media only wants to paint one picture (of "murdering men" that "beat, rape and victimize women".) Watch "Oxygen" or "Lifetime". The "man-hater" tv stations (that women watch). Every single movie, or show on "Lifetime" portrays men as "abusers, child molesters, killers, sexual predators". This is how the media portrays men. As "stupid", and even watch "Everybody Loves Raymond". It's a funny show, but it just shows how the media portrays "Men as stupid" and "Women as smart".
Every comedy show out there, just makes fun of men. If the shoe were on the other foot (and they were making fun of women) then this would be considered "sexist".
The feminists would rally on Capital Hill, and rally against the TV stations, and ask that the shows be cancelled or removed.
The liberal "Left wing" of our country is nothing but "modern women" (sex-in-the-city) types that don't want to hear anything about how they treat (use, and consume) men.
They are a minority of women, but there are women like this out there. Trust me, I'm living proof and I can attest to this, and I could give you hundreds and hundreds of pages of things that I went through just in my own personal saga when dealing with a woman like this.
I'm not a "woman hater", and I really did care for her and love her with all my heart. It breaks my heart, and crushes me to think about how she could even do all this (and be so heartless and cruel).
She has that "don't take it personally, it's only business" type of attitude. The "Dog eat dog" mentality, and "win at all cost".
My lawyer begs me to just "fight back", but I just don't have the heart to fight back. I'd never hit a woman, and trying to "fight a woman" is something I would rather not do, and sometimes it's easier to just walk away. I know she got what she wanted, and she sucked me dry.
Most of my co-workers didn't believe any of it (till she has the police show up at my work and arrest me). It's embarassing, and then people begin to believe "Wow, it must be true... "
Now the boss has had enough of the "drama", and doesn't want the headaches or stress, and the only way to get her to stop calling is for him to let me go. He told me to "get my personal life straight" and then I can go back to work for him. How can I get my personal life straight? She doesn't stop. I'm 2,000 miles away in a different state, and she is calling my employer? Calling all my family, calling all my friends. Doing anything she can to "poison" any type of friendship I may have with anyone.
She likes to "plant that seed of doubt" in everyone's mind, so later she can water it, and watch it grow and flourish. It's like spreading weeds, that will eventually choke out all the grass, and kill off everything that is good.
The divorce is going to be terrible, and something that I'm really not looking forward to. I'd rather cut off my right arm, then go to court against this woman. This is going to be nothing but painful
When you start to see these "signs" then you know they are red flags, and to run. Not walk, but RUN!
My dad told me that the "red flags" were hitting me in the face! Everyone saw it, but me!
My dad even warned me, but he said that against his (and some of my family's) advice... I willingly just walked right into the meat grinder. Like a sheep waiting to be slaughtered.
Love will make you do some stupid things, and looking back at it, the signs were all there.
I didn't listen. I felt sorry for her. I cared for her. I loved her, and wanted to help her. Boy did she chew me up and spit me out. I'm still scratching my head and can't even believe all of this.
I had begged her for a divorce after only being married for 6 months. I was on my hands and knees with paperwork (asking for an "uncontested divorce") and asking her to just let me go.
She refused. For 2 additional years she refused. (She needed to start the "abuse allegations" first... so that way she could get the house, the cars, and everything I have ever worked for and owned). Even though much of the stuff I had owned prior to even knowing her, but once she files "allegations of abuse" the courts just give her everything (no questions asked).
She is a "victim" in the court's eyes. My lawyer said that it's not over, and he said that the divorce could take another year (depending on how long she drags all of this out). My lawyer can see it, and my lawyer said that I am clearly the victim here (not her), but the courts (and judges) are just so blind to it all.
The courts could never rule in a man's favor (the women advocacy groups would be rioting in the streets, and it would be on every news channel). My sister feels for me, and she warned me (I just didn't listen at the time). I was blind, and now I'm going to "pay the price" for my stupidity.
I ignored all the rumors at church (people from church warning me what she did to her previous boyfriend). They even said that they were shocked that we were dating, because she was still dating her other boyfriend. Later, I talked to him about it, and he didn't even know who I was, and couldn't believe that we were both dating the same girl. He dumped her, and walked away.
Like a fool, I still dated her. She swore that "he was lying" and "just trying to break us up".
The guy said "Run!" I didn't listen.
Amazing how I can be friends with all of my ex's (including the very first girl I dated/had sex with in high school). We're still friends. She on the other hand, doesn't have a single "ex" that will speak to her, or even wants to acknowledge her existence. Most have left the state, changed their phone number, and even left the various churches (some have even changed their religion) just to get away from her.
She says it's always "their fault" (but never hers). Her parents (especially her father) is so blind-sided by all of this. He doesn't know what to believe. He was so upset at me (because of everything she had told him, claiming that I had beaten her, and hit her). Her dad knows that I was in Arizona when she filed those allegations against me. People are beginning to realized that "if HE were the bad one, why hasn't he fought back?" If HE were the "crazy" one, then why hasn't he been banging on HER door? Why isn't HE the one that shows up at HER work?
I don't call her, talk to her, and have never even gone near her. I left the church, and moved to a different state (just to get away from her and all her chaos). She used this as an opportunity to spread even more lies, and paint a very ugly picture of me.
This woman doesn't "fight fair", and she will kick straight for the nuts. She will do whatever it takes to "win". In her sick mind there must be a "winner" and a "loser". She can't just shake hands, and part ways. She wants it all. Every last penny.
I let her have everything, and even that is not enough.
She was upset that I found a new job in Arizona, palm trees, and got myself a small new place.
That turned her upside down, she wouldn't believe that I was so "happy" without her in my life. So she calls the police in Arizona, has me arrested (at my work), thrown in jail, and extradited all the way back to Illinois (for a court hearing). I'm in shackles, and look like hell (after sitting in jail for 3 1/2 months), and I finally appear before a judge (to answer the charges against me), and the judge just looks at her as a "helpless victim", swings his hammer, and finds me "guilty" on all counts.
At least I was set free at this point, and was able to get on the next flight out. I headed to Atlanta, Georgia, and spent the next 4 months hiding in Atlanta. I was enrolled in school full time, and was staying at a hotel, and had plenty of "witnesses" to ensure that it would be IMPOSSIBLE for her to do such a thing to me again.
I'm slowly trying to piece my life back together, but with the convictions it looks like my security clearance is gone, and without it... I will have a very difficult time trying to find work in my career field. It seems that my career is over. It may take at least 10-12 years (if ever) for me to try and "overturn" the damage that she has done to me. I don't think I will ever be eligible for another security clearance, and even so it would take years and years, and years (and lots of paperwork, witnesses and proof) to try and overturn what she has done to me.
Look at me now. I'm a "worthless bum" as she likes to call me. With all the allegations (and convictions) it makes it almost impossible to find work. I can't even get a job at McDonald's flipping burgers.
My mom cries after what she sees what this woman has done to me. I went from having a good $120,000/yr paying job... to someone that is sleeping in my mom's basement, with no money, and no future.
Most people dismiss all this as "folklore" or "fairy tales", but I can assure you as a "victim" of a malicious woman, that this stuff really does happen, and these women are real.
My brother had gotten involved with one (and she seemed identical to my wife/ex-wife), and I warned him about it. I saw all the signs, and I begged him to listen to me (and not to marry her). I told him that he would end up living the same life I did, and to PLEASE not make the same mistake that I did.
Luckily he listened, and although he didn't break up with her, he continued to date her, and after 2 more years he opened his eyes. He came to me and thanked me for my advice. Had he married her, (or had she got pregnant) then his life would be completely different right now.
My brother has found a "good girl" and is doing well now. He "purged" the evil witch from his life, and he is back on track, his career is doing well, and he is with a woman that truely loves him.
His current girlfriend walked into her work, grabbed her by the hair, and told her that she will get an "ass whipping" that she will NEVER forget if she doesn't stop her evil and vindictive bullshit.
Then she walked out. The whole office started clapping, and the girl got embarassed and quit her job shortly thereafter.
She could have had all the money, honestly I could care less. It's only money, and it comes and goes. All I wanted was a good woman, with a good heart. A loving women with a gentle heart, that could love me for who I am (not what I have, or what I could possibly earn).
I'm in pretty bad shape right now (financially), and have over $32,000 in student loans right now.
It's an uphill battle, and I believe she is done "chewing" on me. It's been 4 months, and has been "quiet" so I think she has finally given up on me. I'm just hoping that she quickly finds herself another "chew toy" to play with, and just leaves me be.
Our country is in very bad shape right now. We have let this problem grow, and spiral out of control. Our "divorce rates" have gone through the roof, and even more recently people just choose to live together (and NOT get married), and just co-habit and have sex (but not get married)
This is a REAL and growing problem (not only in America).
I know many people in the church have taken her side (simply because of many of the absurd stories that she tells), but in recent months she had a "falling out" with one of her roommates, and got caught sleeping with another man. Her roommate goes to the same church that she does (the same church that I used to go to prior to moving to Arizona), and her roommate has spoken with all the elders of the church, and all the pastors, and all the counsellors, and she has confirmed many of the same things that I have said (and told them). Suddenly they are confused, and are beginning to realize that maybe she did bamboozle everyone.
After they get the money, the house, the cars, and all the material objects, then they try to eliminate (or kill off) the man. Try to remove him from the picture (he is no longer needed), and she can "make more money" by marrying someone else (and getting herself ANOTHER paycheck). Once she sucks the blood out of the first one, he is useless to her. So she begins to look for another (and another, and another...)
Leaving a wake of men in her path. I'm not saying that men don't use women, but there are thousands and thousands of books out there describing how "awful" men are.
Here in America, women are "rewarded" for getting divorced. They can get more out of you by getting divorced (even if you are broke and jobless, and don't even have a roof over your head the courts will still institute excessive "child support" payments, and if you can't pay, they will toss you in jail). It seems criminal, but these women have a "standard of living" that they are accustomed to, and the courts see the man as just a paycheck or a "means" to sustain her standard of living.
She can jump from man to man, and her "riches" multiply. As she gets remarried, she now has "dual income" (her former spouse as well as her current spouse). After a few years, that marriage will probably fail, and then on to the next. It seems to be a "money making business" for them.
I have a 12 month old son, who I have never seen. She has refused to even let me go to the child birth (threatening to have me arrested and thrown in jail), and has petitioned the court to not even allow me to see my son. She has fought/refused to even let my name be put on the birth certificate. It's been 12 months now, and it's been pretty rough to say the least.
I can't believe the judge can't see through all of this. The false allegations have really hurt my life.
She even told the judge (under oath) that she slaps and hits me. The judge didn't even care. He found me guilty and gave her everything. It just amazes me, that this is the "shape" our country (and society) is in.
Neither the media or the legal system cares about men like this. This is why we wrote our book.
Wednesday, 30 April 2008
Our experiences with the UK media - so far.
Today is the official publication date for Venus: The Dark Side following the name change.
Has it made any difference for the print media? Not a jot. An editor from the Sunday Telegraph wrote to say "This is a can of worms we are not prepared to open'. When I received an email from a young woman who had read the book to say she 'LOVED' it, we corresponded a bit - I'll include her story (or more accurately her 24 year old brother's story) in a separate posting - but when I explained how the UK media have not been prepared to bring the very real issues we deal with in this book, she suggested I contact Femail at The Daily Mail and Marie Claire Magazine because they write intelligent articles affecting women. She was not impressed when I forwarded a response from one of Marie Claire's commissioning editors which basically said 'We are a woman's magazine and only publish positive women's stories - we feel this would alienate our readers, therefore we are not interested.'
The Daily Mail is a saga all of its own. For non-UK readers, The Daily Mail has a daily circulation of 2.4 million copies. It is read by middle/high income people with a significant proportion of female readers. Their "Femail" section is devoted to women's issues. Being written about in the Daily Mail would provide this book with the biggest publicity we could get for the exact type of potential reader for this book - men and women.
We notified them about the forthcoming publication of this book. While on business in Cape Town late last year I received a call from The Daily Mail - they had seen the book, loved it and wanted to buy the serialisation rights. This means they would extract up to about 2,500 words from the book and turn it into a 2 page spread. You cannot pay for such publicity. We signed contracts. They engaged a reporter to 'gut' the book by finding the bits they wanted to use. Then nothing appeared in the UK. Although, independently of all this, a piece did run in the Irish version of The Daily Mail.
Then Heather Mills made her now infamous TV tirades around the world. I spoke with Andrew Morrod an editor at Femail. He commissioned me to write 2,000 words (a two page spread) about what Heather Mills had done and how it had tied in so perfectly with what we had already written about the women who are prepared to lie, cheat, make false allegations and claim victimhood when they are in fact being the aggressor. I submitted the piece on-time to Andrew. He liked what I had to say but had an issue with my writing style - it wasn't in keeping with the style of writing at Femail. So he commissioned a female features writer to interview me and create a piece blending what I'd already written. When I was told her name, I Googled her and saw a catalogue of articles she'd written in which women were invariably the victim while men were the 'baddies'. I was somewhat disheartened. I had what is know as 'copy-approval' but newspapers are famous for not complying with various contractual agreements. Any way, she wrote the piece.
I wish to commend Amanda Cable - you did a REALLY good job on it. Thank you. Everything was set to run - the next Thursday. At 4pm ish on the Wednesday Andrew Morrod got in touch to say he really liked the piece and could I add a few hundred words more to flesh out a couple of points I'd made. The pressure was on. But together we did it.
Nothing ever ran.
No one has returned my calls or emails since. My faith in the professionalism and integrity of The Daily Mail has been somewhat dented.
And this was reinforced more recently when I emailled everyone I had had contact with at The Daily Mail to share the story of the young guy I mentioned earlier. According to his sister who is really worried about him, he is about to marry a nasty woman who has already got herself pregnant by him and seems to exhibit all the behaviour traits of the women we write about in our book - not one person at The Daily Mail responded to this story - even though my email system informed me that everyone 'opened' the email I sent.
Then there was the female reporter who contacted me for an interview for The Guardian Online - a pro-woman, and some would say anti-male left wing newspaper. She actually gave me hell on the phone. I was fine about it though. At the end I asked if she was still going to write a 'knocking piece'? She then promised me that she would write a fair piece because I had made a number of very valid points. A few days later she emailled me to say she had indeed written a fair piece - so fair in fact that her features edior had 'spiked it'. It never ran.
Then there was Jessica Brinton, features editor for Style Magazine at The Sunday Times. She wrote insisting on an exclusive to run a piece about the book on a particular date. Because it was 'exclusive' we stopped promoting the book. The piece never appeared on that date or since! Ms Brinton has never responded to follow up emails or calls!
Thank goodness for BBC local radio I say. Later today I am taking part in a phone-in on BBC Radio Leeds - a female producer and a female presenter. A few weeks ago they ran a piece on domestic abuse - it was predominantly female victim/male aggressor. In the interests of fairness and journalistic integrity they are keen to discuss the other side of the story. Good for them. BBC Bristol, BBC Cumbria, BBC Tees, BBC Belfast and BBC Manchester have all done the same. Thank you.
Its a shame Radio 2's Jeremy Vine show weren't interested. Although by a very strange coincidence in the weeks after they received an advance copy of our book, they ran a series of discussions on quite a few issues we deal with in the book - but never a call for us to take part!!
We were in contact with TV's "Richard and Judy" show - another awesome publicity opportunity for "Venus: The Dark Side". They showed lots of interest but eventually cried off saying their lawyers had advised them not to tackle the subject!
In Ireland "The Late Late Show" is a phenomenon. They were interested but wanted men to come forward to tell their stories - they won't, for a variety of reasons as we discuss in the book. I then offered to tell my own experiences. The researcher then moved the goalposts by saying "We only want Irish men." Like they've never featured non-Irish guests before!
And it goes on.
Has it made any difference for the print media? Not a jot. An editor from the Sunday Telegraph wrote to say "This is a can of worms we are not prepared to open'. When I received an email from a young woman who had read the book to say she 'LOVED' it, we corresponded a bit - I'll include her story (or more accurately her 24 year old brother's story) in a separate posting - but when I explained how the UK media have not been prepared to bring the very real issues we deal with in this book, she suggested I contact Femail at The Daily Mail and Marie Claire Magazine because they write intelligent articles affecting women. She was not impressed when I forwarded a response from one of Marie Claire's commissioning editors which basically said 'We are a woman's magazine and only publish positive women's stories - we feel this would alienate our readers, therefore we are not interested.'
The Daily Mail is a saga all of its own. For non-UK readers, The Daily Mail has a daily circulation of 2.4 million copies. It is read by middle/high income people with a significant proportion of female readers. Their "Femail" section is devoted to women's issues. Being written about in the Daily Mail would provide this book with the biggest publicity we could get for the exact type of potential reader for this book - men and women.
We notified them about the forthcoming publication of this book. While on business in Cape Town late last year I received a call from The Daily Mail - they had seen the book, loved it and wanted to buy the serialisation rights. This means they would extract up to about 2,500 words from the book and turn it into a 2 page spread. You cannot pay for such publicity. We signed contracts. They engaged a reporter to 'gut' the book by finding the bits they wanted to use. Then nothing appeared in the UK. Although, independently of all this, a piece did run in the Irish version of The Daily Mail.
Then Heather Mills made her now infamous TV tirades around the world. I spoke with Andrew Morrod an editor at Femail. He commissioned me to write 2,000 words (a two page spread) about what Heather Mills had done and how it had tied in so perfectly with what we had already written about the women who are prepared to lie, cheat, make false allegations and claim victimhood when they are in fact being the aggressor. I submitted the piece on-time to Andrew. He liked what I had to say but had an issue with my writing style - it wasn't in keeping with the style of writing at Femail. So he commissioned a female features writer to interview me and create a piece blending what I'd already written. When I was told her name, I Googled her and saw a catalogue of articles she'd written in which women were invariably the victim while men were the 'baddies'. I was somewhat disheartened. I had what is know as 'copy-approval' but newspapers are famous for not complying with various contractual agreements. Any way, she wrote the piece.
I wish to commend Amanda Cable - you did a REALLY good job on it. Thank you. Everything was set to run - the next Thursday. At 4pm ish on the Wednesday Andrew Morrod got in touch to say he really liked the piece and could I add a few hundred words more to flesh out a couple of points I'd made. The pressure was on. But together we did it.
Nothing ever ran.
No one has returned my calls or emails since. My faith in the professionalism and integrity of The Daily Mail has been somewhat dented.
And this was reinforced more recently when I emailled everyone I had had contact with at The Daily Mail to share the story of the young guy I mentioned earlier. According to his sister who is really worried about him, he is about to marry a nasty woman who has already got herself pregnant by him and seems to exhibit all the behaviour traits of the women we write about in our book - not one person at The Daily Mail responded to this story - even though my email system informed me that everyone 'opened' the email I sent.
Then there was the female reporter who contacted me for an interview for The Guardian Online - a pro-woman, and some would say anti-male left wing newspaper. She actually gave me hell on the phone. I was fine about it though. At the end I asked if she was still going to write a 'knocking piece'? She then promised me that she would write a fair piece because I had made a number of very valid points. A few days later she emailled me to say she had indeed written a fair piece - so fair in fact that her features edior had 'spiked it'. It never ran.
Then there was Jessica Brinton, features editor for Style Magazine at The Sunday Times. She wrote insisting on an exclusive to run a piece about the book on a particular date. Because it was 'exclusive' we stopped promoting the book. The piece never appeared on that date or since! Ms Brinton has never responded to follow up emails or calls!
Thank goodness for BBC local radio I say. Later today I am taking part in a phone-in on BBC Radio Leeds - a female producer and a female presenter. A few weeks ago they ran a piece on domestic abuse - it was predominantly female victim/male aggressor. In the interests of fairness and journalistic integrity they are keen to discuss the other side of the story. Good for them. BBC Bristol, BBC Cumbria, BBC Tees, BBC Belfast and BBC Manchester have all done the same. Thank you.
Its a shame Radio 2's Jeremy Vine show weren't interested. Although by a very strange coincidence in the weeks after they received an advance copy of our book, they ran a series of discussions on quite a few issues we deal with in the book - but never a call for us to take part!!
We were in contact with TV's "Richard and Judy" show - another awesome publicity opportunity for "Venus: The Dark Side". They showed lots of interest but eventually cried off saying their lawyers had advised them not to tackle the subject!
In Ireland "The Late Late Show" is a phenomenon. They were interested but wanted men to come forward to tell their stories - they won't, for a variety of reasons as we discuss in the book. I then offered to tell my own experiences. The researcher then moved the goalposts by saying "We only want Irish men." Like they've never featured non-Irish guests before!
And it goes on.
Wednesday, 5 September 2007
Yet another tragic example
Last night I received this email from a lady who bought a pre-publication copy of our book "That Bitch: Protect Yourself Against Women with Malicious Intent." Note how she describes the man in question as 'a lovely, happy kinda guy.' This seems to be the case almost every time.
....an interesting but awful little story was regaled to me at my nail parlour today (dah-link - Zsa Zsa Gabor voice)...... I simply asked 'what is the most frequent reason for women to lose their (false) nails?' and.....ohmigod did i start her off !! She knows one guy who committed suicide only this year due to his ex-wife being so livid at his affair that she completely cut him off from his 3 kids.
They were his life and even tho' the new girlfriend hellped him financially get back on his feet, he just cldn't live without them. He was a pharmacist and had no trouble at taking his life: he set up his own morphine drip and took pills to counteract the effect. He went into a coma and died within hours. Apparently, the ex-wife had been physically man-handling him every time he tried to see the kids and wld lose her false nails every time. It was only when the nail lady had started doing the new girlfriend's nails that all became clear. He was such a lovely, happy kinda guy and he leaves behind a grieving girlfriend, 3 young children, his parents and countless friends........
So, there you go. Another sad tale - and that was without my even asking for it.
This really is the tip of the ice berg.....
I agree. There are SO many examples we've come across. Please tell everyone you know about our new book.
....an interesting but awful little story was regaled to me at my nail parlour today (dah-link - Zsa Zsa Gabor voice)...... I simply asked 'what is the most frequent reason for women to lose their (false) nails?' and.....ohmigod did i start her off !! She knows one guy who committed suicide only this year due to his ex-wife being so livid at his affair that she completely cut him off from his 3 kids.
They were his life and even tho' the new girlfriend hellped him financially get back on his feet, he just cldn't live without them. He was a pharmacist and had no trouble at taking his life: he set up his own morphine drip and took pills to counteract the effect. He went into a coma and died within hours. Apparently, the ex-wife had been physically man-handling him every time he tried to see the kids and wld lose her false nails every time. It was only when the nail lady had started doing the new girlfriend's nails that all became clear. He was such a lovely, happy kinda guy and he leaves behind a grieving girlfriend, 3 young children, his parents and countless friends........
So, there you go. Another sad tale - and that was without my even asking for it.
This really is the tip of the ice berg.....
I agree. There are SO many examples we've come across. Please tell everyone you know about our new book.
Monday, 3 September 2007
Radio Interviews Promoting the book
Today I visited BBC Bristol to do two 'down-the-line' interviews about our new book "That Bitch: Protect Yourself Against Women with Malicious Intent" on BBC Tees and BBC Manchester. First up ,just after 10am I talked with presenter Ms Alex Hall. She stated on a few occasions how she has met women as we describe in the book. Similarly Heather Stott claimed to recognise the specific types of woman we discuss. We had a lot of fun during the interviews. Thanks to both presenters for bringing this issue to a wider audience.
An added bonus for me was bumping into 2 BBC colleagues I hadn't seen for 15 years who are still working at BBC Points West. That's quite an achievement in the world of TV news! It was quite a shock to discover that one of them is contemplating retirement - surely he can't be old enough! He said he was 58! That can't be. If true, it means I'm getting old too! :-)
An added bonus for me was bumping into 2 BBC colleagues I hadn't seen for 15 years who are still working at BBC Points West. That's quite an achievement in the world of TV news! It was quite a shock to discover that one of them is contemplating retirement - surely he can't be old enough! He said he was 58! That can't be. If true, it means I'm getting old too! :-)
DJ Andy Kershaw Jailed
Isn’t ANYONE prepared to look at DJ Andy Kershaw’s situation from his perspective?
Thrown into jail for breaching a restraining order seems to imply that BBC Radio 3 presenter Andy Kershaw is a bad man.
But what if he isn’t?
Described by BBC colleagues as ‘unwell’, his break up with his ex-partner and the mother of his two children has been devastating for him. It appears from press reports that his ex-partner wanted to end their relationship. Obviously she has every right to do that. But could it be that her decision also included denying him contact with his children?
It is easy to imagine his utter desperation at not being allowed by her (and on her word alone) to be a father to his children.
Someone needs to find out exactly how his ex-partner managed to get awarded a restraining order in the first place. Did she make any allegations against Kershaw? If so, was she required in law to prove their validity or accuracy? Is it possible that she was economical with the truth, in order to persuade a judge to give her what she wanted, regardless of any rights Kershaw may have had? Did the courts simply believe everything they were told without question?
Is it possible that his ex-partner has behaved in a cold-hearted manner to ‘teach him a lesson’ – for daring to fight to see his children?
It has been reported that Kershaw has been drinking heavily in recent months – but has anyone asked whether this began before or after he was excluded from the lives of his children?
The guy could be ill. Shouldn’t somebody, somewhere find out how the ‘system’ was able to lock him up when he may have been so emotionally distraught that he was incapable of acting in a rational way – more a danger to himself than anybody else?
Could it be that Kershaw is a sensitive, compassionate guy who is being abused very badly?
Thrown into jail for breaching a restraining order seems to imply that BBC Radio 3 presenter Andy Kershaw is a bad man.
But what if he isn’t?
Described by BBC colleagues as ‘unwell’, his break up with his ex-partner and the mother of his two children has been devastating for him. It appears from press reports that his ex-partner wanted to end their relationship. Obviously she has every right to do that. But could it be that her decision also included denying him contact with his children?
It is easy to imagine his utter desperation at not being allowed by her (and on her word alone) to be a father to his children.
Someone needs to find out exactly how his ex-partner managed to get awarded a restraining order in the first place. Did she make any allegations against Kershaw? If so, was she required in law to prove their validity or accuracy? Is it possible that she was economical with the truth, in order to persuade a judge to give her what she wanted, regardless of any rights Kershaw may have had? Did the courts simply believe everything they were told without question?
Is it possible that his ex-partner has behaved in a cold-hearted manner to ‘teach him a lesson’ – for daring to fight to see his children?
It has been reported that Kershaw has been drinking heavily in recent months – but has anyone asked whether this began before or after he was excluded from the lives of his children?
The guy could be ill. Shouldn’t somebody, somewhere find out how the ‘system’ was able to lock him up when he may have been so emotionally distraught that he was incapable of acting in a rational way – more a danger to himself than anybody else?
Could it be that Kershaw is a sensitive, compassionate guy who is being abused very badly?
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